Top 5 Tech Stories You Won't See in 2007

1. Social porn

Ever felt like the experience of sitting at your computer downloading porn just isn't quite the same as you're used to? Introducing social porn, the latest advance in a frantic search for new Web 2.0 applications. Now all your friends can please themselves without the inconvenience of having to leave their mother's basement. It's like the internet equivalent of a circle jerk!


2. Apple doesn't release a new iPod in six months.

In a stunning and extremely surprising move by Apple, the iPod manufacturer decides flooding the market with another expensive iPod with minimal upgrades isn't an effective marketing strategy. Instead, they focus on advances in production in order to cut the cost of making an iPod down. Not only will this possibly allow the average consumer to be able to stay focused on any given member of the iPod family without being confused by a new model, but now Apple has made the iPod cheap enough that it has increased its target audience to include your unborn children!


3. DRM will be accepted willingly.

Bush will ignore all laws once again and get re-elected to a third term, with no objection from anyone! Later, Congress will approve mandatory DRM-integration into all hardware. The sound of a thousand music and movie pirates steadily moaning is heard across the nation, but no one objects as everyone is distracted by Halo 3 multiplayer.


4. The RIAA/MPAA holds back from new lawsuits.

-Sharing content is stealing, but the RIAA decides NOT to sue every man, woman and toddler who downloads the Pussycat Dolls' latest single. In addition, the MPAA simply ignores downloads of Superman Returns because... well, it's not like they're losing money from it anyway.


5. Social shopping

Amazon.com introduces the concept of social shopping, which fails miserably when identity theft increases tenfold due to sharing all information in what was an effort to introduce a revolutionary new way to shop online. Oops! Maybe they shouldn't have allowed the entire online shopping experience available to whoever cares to look.